A guide to the REAL PROGRAMMER!

Mattel / Injury Page

Mattel's links of shame

Fight Spam 

Real Programmer

Introduction

Languages

Operating Systems

Programming tools

At work

At play

Natural habitat

Structured programming

The future

References

More humor

Home

 

LANGUAGES

The easiest way to tell a Real Programmer from the crowd is by the programming language he (or she) uses, Real Programmers use FORTRAN. Quiche Eaters use PASCAL. Nicklaus Wirth, the designer of PASCAL, gave a talk once at which he was asked "How do you pronounce your name?". He replied, "You can call me by name, pronouncing it 'Virt', or call be by value, 'Worth'." One can tell immediately from this comment that Nicklaus Wirth is a Quiche Eater. The only parameter-passing mechanism endorsed by Real Programmers is call-by-value-return, as implemented in the IBM/370 FORTRAN-G and like compilers. Real programmers don't need all these abstract concepts to get their jobs done; they are perfectly happy with a keypunch, a FORTRAN IV compiler, and a beer.

  • Real Programmers do List Processing in FORTRAN

  • Real Programmers do string manipulation in FORTRAN.

  • Real Programmers do accounting (if they do it at all) in FORTRAN.

  • Real Programmers do Artificial Intelligence programs in FORTRAN.

Special cases of arrays and can be treated that way just as easily without messing up your programming language with all sorts of complications. The worst thing about fancy data types is that you have to declare them, and Real Programming Languages, as we all know, have implicit typing based on the first letter of the (six character) variable name.

<--PreviousNext-->

See how Microsystems Software fired an employee who went to the hospital for treatment of a work related injury. Even after paying over $140874.80 Mattel, Microsystems, and The Learning Company used a baseless libel claim to try to shut down this site. Now they demand an apology.  See how Mattel, MSI, and TLC is now the subject of a $48,595,103.77 lawsuit because they tried to silence this website using a frivolous libel counterclaim.

Go Home to the Injury Page to the Humor Page


Shop Amazon's Outlet Deals in Computers, Office & Software Computers,


Another William Silverstein site. Copyright © 2002-2013 William Silverstein. All rights reserved.

This site is copyrighted material and its use is subject to non-exclusive license. If you do not agree to the terms of this license, leave this site immediately, or you are bound by the terms of the license. Your use of this site signifies your agreement to be bound by the terms of this license. The use of this site is free for personal and non-commercial use - particularly for those wish to learn about and protect the rights of employees and those who oppose their abuse by employers and large corporations, but there are significant fees charged for certain other uses.

This page are the opinions of William Silverstein based on facts and information provided to him.  This is not to be construed as legal advice. Mattel is the manufacturer of Barbie, Matchbox, and Hot Wheels. This site is neither approved nor endorsed by Mattel. All trademarks belong to their respective owners.

Your use of this site acknowledges that you waive for yourself, your client, and your employer any and all claim against Silverstein for any action that relating to this site. If you don't agree to this, leave this site immediately.  Your use of this site signifies your acceptance of these  terms in this paragraph and the terms of use for the_ site. Assume that any email going to the sorehands.com domain will be going to a California resident and to a fax machine. All e-mail going to this domain is being handled by a California e-mail service provider using servers in California that prohibit unsolicited commercial e-mail.